Tuesday, April 29, 2003
8/2/01
so here i sit waiting for her to call....will she? god i hope so. i cant wait to talk to her let alone see her. i have a lot of hope in this with her. i just hope i dont fuck it up. oh well, tomorrow is another day...... good night.
10:29am
i cant believe its thursday already...not that im complaining..believe me...i desire the weekends arrival. ive been a little happier recently, since Jess (too) told me about....Jess. ill be happier once the day comes that i get some kind of sign from her.(email phone whatever) but the day that (if it comes) we go out with be great....i will put my all into this. i have fucked up way too many time, i cant let it happen anymore.
12:31pm
lunch yet? is the day over yet? god, i cant wait to just go home. and do nuthin. but i know that thats not true....i cant do nuthin, (well, i can but i cant let myself) i should probabbly organize the area i call home(my desk), work computer just crashed.....DAMN MACS, i hate those damned things. i need to get an apartment get organized and do something with my freakin life. oh well.
1:46pm
so lets see, the day is slowly coming to a close and i really dont wanna do anymore work.what is my problem....why am i so lazy anymore? things could be worse, i could be dying.
speaking of which, ive seen alot of young deaths this past week...two. its just sorta weird.....who ever know 15 could be a halfway point to death now a days.....im only 4 years from death if thats the case.
i don't know if death scares me or im just worried about what ill miss after im gone....either way, it sucks.
2:51pm
ok now its really confusing. Carey and I really seem to hit it off, maybe its just me and my naivity. I seem to think that there is something there, but maybe she is just being civil to me. But I must say there definately is something to the way the she looked at me as we parted today. almost as if to say,"Well, aren't you gonna say something?" i dont know what to think. god she's amazing!
3:15pm
ok i wonder just what would be a bad idea. would the harmless after work coctail be innappropriate? i suck at this stuff.
4:31pm
finally this day is over, one more till the weekend. better think bout this whole carey thing before i act on my gut.
9:44pm
i came to borders to get some stuff out. next a beer,mmmmmm.
i can to realize to day that i really have lost my edge. it was so hard to sing yesterday. maybe it is possible to embarrass me now......did i just say that? damn! so i should be thinking about this carey thing.....im not too sure what to do, we seem to click everytime we talk, alot of eye sex when we talk.she seems to really look at me. the question is, is she still with, Angelo......anyways, i need to find that out, on my own.....from her. like she would have perferred the first time. i should have just walked up to her 8 months ago and just let it out.....now its all built up inside and.....enter "Jess", so now where do i take it. well, jess isnt here, she has my number (and email?)and there has been no contact yet...so i dont know what to think. just how long ago did she say that to jessica too? youd be surprised how quickly things can change. i know i am. well, now what? im so bad at "the waiting game" i hate those fucking kind of games. no more games anymore.....as soon as i find out what is gonna happen....as soon as i have a an idea what i want to do im gonna put all my heart into it......im too old for this shit. i need some security in my life......im not sure if ive really had real security.
all that i want is to be cared for. someone to look at me the way i look at them, with total devotion.well i guess thats enough for now. its 10 and i was a freaking drink. i need a companion.....i dont drink as much when im not alone......plus i need to find a damned apartment. that independance is something else i need along with that thing called love.
so here i sit waiting for her to call....will she? god i hope so. i cant wait to talk to her let alone see her. i have a lot of hope in this with her. i just hope i dont fuck it up. oh well, tomorrow is another day...... good night.
10:29am
i cant believe its thursday already...not that im complaining..believe me...i desire the weekends arrival. ive been a little happier recently, since Jess (too) told me about....Jess. ill be happier once the day comes that i get some kind of sign from her.(email phone whatever) but the day that (if it comes) we go out with be great....i will put my all into this. i have fucked up way too many time, i cant let it happen anymore.
12:31pm
lunch yet? is the day over yet? god, i cant wait to just go home. and do nuthin. but i know that thats not true....i cant do nuthin, (well, i can but i cant let myself) i should probabbly organize the area i call home(my desk), work computer just crashed.....DAMN MACS, i hate those damned things. i need to get an apartment get organized and do something with my freakin life. oh well.
1:46pm
so lets see, the day is slowly coming to a close and i really dont wanna do anymore work.what is my problem....why am i so lazy anymore? things could be worse, i could be dying.
speaking of which, ive seen alot of young deaths this past week...two. its just sorta weird.....who ever know 15 could be a halfway point to death now a days.....im only 4 years from death if thats the case.
i don't know if death scares me or im just worried about what ill miss after im gone....either way, it sucks.
2:51pm
ok now its really confusing. Carey and I really seem to hit it off, maybe its just me and my naivity. I seem to think that there is something there, but maybe she is just being civil to me. But I must say there definately is something to the way the she looked at me as we parted today. almost as if to say,"Well, aren't you gonna say something?" i dont know what to think. god she's amazing!
3:15pm
ok i wonder just what would be a bad idea. would the harmless after work coctail be innappropriate? i suck at this stuff.
4:31pm
finally this day is over, one more till the weekend. better think bout this whole carey thing before i act on my gut.
9:44pm
i came to borders to get some stuff out. next a beer,mmmmmm.
i can to realize to day that i really have lost my edge. it was so hard to sing yesterday. maybe it is possible to embarrass me now......did i just say that? damn! so i should be thinking about this carey thing.....im not too sure what to do, we seem to click everytime we talk, alot of eye sex when we talk.she seems to really look at me. the question is, is she still with, Angelo......anyways, i need to find that out, on my own.....from her. like she would have perferred the first time. i should have just walked up to her 8 months ago and just let it out.....now its all built up inside and.....enter "Jess", so now where do i take it. well, jess isnt here, she has my number (and email?)and there has been no contact yet...so i dont know what to think. just how long ago did she say that to jessica too? youd be surprised how quickly things can change. i know i am. well, now what? im so bad at "the waiting game" i hate those fucking kind of games. no more games anymore.....as soon as i find out what is gonna happen....as soon as i have a an idea what i want to do im gonna put all my heart into it......im too old for this shit. i need some security in my life......im not sure if ive really had real security.
all that i want is to be cared for. someone to look at me the way i look at them, with total devotion.well i guess thats enough for now. its 10 and i was a freaking drink. i need a companion.....i dont drink as much when im not alone......plus i need to find a damned apartment. that independance is something else i need along with that thing called love.
